Domestic abuse is a complicated problem that affects millions of individuals globally. In this blog article, I will discuss some of the reasons why people remain in violent relationships and offer insights taken from my experience working with those experiencing intimate partner violence aka domestic violence.
Physical Danger Anxiety
One of the most common reasons why people remain in abusive relationships is the fear of physical damage. Victims may believe that leaving the abusive relationship will result in more severe abuse or even death. I have encountered numerous clients who were in physically abusive relationships and feared for their safety if they attempted to leave.
Financial Dependence
Financial reliance is another reason why individuals stay in abusive relationships. Without the abuser’s financial support, victims may feel incapable of providing for themselves or their children. I have encountered numerous clients who were financially reliant on their abuser and who, as a result, felt stuck in the relationship.
Isolation
Abusers frequently isolate their victims from their friends and family, making it impossible for their victims to escape. They may believe they have no one to turn to for assistance or support.
Love and Loyalty
Believe it or not, love and devotion can also be factors in a person’s decision to remain in an abusive relationship. Victims may believe they love their partner and wish to assist them in overcoming their abusive conduct. Additionally, they may experience a sense of loyalty toward their spouse and wish to protect them from harm.
Insufficient Funding and Support
A lack of resources and support can be a substantial barrier to leaving an abusive relationship. Victims may not know where to turn for assistance or lack the resources to flee.
Children
Children can sometimes motivate individuals to remain in abusive marriages. Victims may believe that leaving the relationship might endanger their children, or they may be concerned about the emotional impact of a separation on their children. In addition, the abuser may use the victim’s children as leverage to maintain the relationship.
Children who grow up in abusive homes are susceptible to developing emotional and psychological issues that might persist into adulthood. They are susceptible to developing depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and other mental problems. Children who see violence or abuse may be more inclined to engage in aggressive or abusive conduct in the future.
Domestic abuse is a multifaceted problem that necessitates a multifaceted response. As a therapist specializing in intimate partner violence, I have witnessed personally how difficult it can be for someone to leave an abusive relationship. By understanding some of the reasons why people remain in abusive situations, we can begin to build more effective methods for assisting domestic violence victims. It is essential to offer victims with resources and support, such as shelter, financial help, legal representation, and mental health care. With the proper assistance and care, victims can recover.
Given these and many other personal reasons, if you or someone you know is involved in a domestic violence situation, be gentle, be kind, be patient. Judgement either of yourself or the person you know does not help due to the complexities of the situation. Statistically, it takes someone 7 times to leave an abusive relationship due in large part to the above listed reasons and many others not listed such as depression, low self esteem, judgement from family, church and the community, children not adjusting well, manipulative tactics from the abusive partner in multiple ways to rpevent the one who left from succeeding, the list could go on and on.
If you are thinking of leaving, I will write another blog post on how to begin to prepare to safely. In the mean time, take care of yourself and begin reaching out to make connections with others as you are able to safely. They will be your safety net when the time comes.
-Holly
National Domestic Violence Hotline Number 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)